A Series of Unfortunate Events 12 - The Penultimate Peril by Snicket Lemony

Author:Snicket, Lemony [Snicket, Lemony]
Format: mobi, epub, azw3
Published: 2010-06-05T04:00:00+00:00

C H A P T E R

Nine

'Ha!“ Count Olaf shrieked, pointing at the Baudelaire orphans with a bony finger, and the children were thankful for small mercies. A small mercy is simply a tiny thing that has gone right in a world gone wrong, like a sprig of delicious parsley next to a spoiled tuna sandwich, or a lovely dandelion in a garden that is being devoured by vicious goats. A small mercy, like a small flyswatter, is unlikely to be of any real help, but nevertheless the three siblings, even in their horror and disgust at seeing Olaf again, were thankful for the small mercy that the villain had apparently lost interest in his new laugh. The last time the Baudelaires had seen the villain, he'd been aboard a strange submarine shaped like an octopus, and he'd developed a laugh that was equally strange, full of snorts and squeaks and words that happened to begin with the letter H. But as the villain strode toward the children and the adults who were clutching their hands, it was clear he had since adopted a style of laughter that was succinct, a word which here means ”only the word 'ha.'"

“Ha!” he cried. “I knew I'd find you orphans again! Ha! And now you're in my clutches! Ha!”

“We're not in your clutches,” Violet said. “We just happen to be standing in the same room.”

“That's what you think, orphan,” Olaf sneered. “I'm afraid the man who's holding your hand is one of my associates. Hand her over, Ernest. Ha!”

“Ha yourself, Olaf,” said Dewey Denouement. His voice was firm and confident, but Violet felt his hand trembling in hers. “I'm not Ernest, and I'm not handing her over!”

“Well, then hand her over, Frank!” Olaf said. “You might consider doing your hair differently so I can tell you apart.”

“I'm not Frank, either,” Dewey said.

“You can't fool me!” Count Olaf growled. “I wasn't born yesterday, you know! You're one of those idiotic twins! I should know! Thanks to me, you two are the only survivors of the entire family!”

“Triplets run in my family,” Dewey said, “not twins. I'm Dewey Denouement.”

At this, Count Olaf's one eyebrow raised in astonishment. “Dewey Denouement,” he murmured. “So you're a real person! I always thought you were a legendary figure, like unicorns or Giuseppe Verdi.”

“Giuseppe Verdi is not a legendary figure,” Klaus said indignantly. “He's an operatic composer!”

“Silence, bookworm!” Olaf ordered. “Children should not speak while adults are arguing! Hand over the orphans, adults!”

“Nobody's handing over the Baudelaires!” Justice Strauss said, clutching Klaus's hand. “You have no legal right to them or their fortune!”

“You can't just grab children as if they were pieces of fruit in a bowl!” Jerome Squalor cried. “It's injustice, and we won't have it!”

“You'd better watch yourselves,” Count Olaf said, narrowing his shiny eyes. “I have associates lurking everywhere in this hotel.”

“So do we,” Dewey said. “Many volunteers have arrived early, and within hours the streets will be flooded with taxis carrying noble people here to this hotel.

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